


The Change In You

by ariella884



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Episode: s05e01 Night
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-22
Updated: 2017-09-22
Packaged: 2019-01-04 01:48:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12159117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ariella884/pseuds/ariella884
Summary: I have been standing beside you all these years. I have seen the changes in you.





	The Change In You

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little introspective drabble from Chakotay's POV. In my mind this takes place during the beginning of 'Night' (S05E01), but really it could go anywhere from season 4 on.

I remember that look upon your face during the first year or two. Confident. Optimistic. We were going to get home. There was no questioning that truth.

But the last few years, that look upon your face has hardened. You wear an auspicious mask, but I know you. I’ve come to know you, quite possibly, better than you know yourself. 

I can see into your silences. The drop of your eyes. A faint gesture with your hands.

I can see underneath the layers of your conviction.

You have doubts. Doubts that we may never make it home again. Doubts that even if we do make it home, the price will be too high. Doubts that you alone have led us down this path of destruction and dismay. 

And that’s the key.

Alone. You believe you are alone. 

You aren’t. 

I have been standing beside you all these years. I have seen the changes in you. I have tried to pull you back from the despair and anguish that I know now lives inside you. I have labored to bring you back from the darkness and hopelessness, but lately, it seems that it all resides more fully on the surface. Some days you make little attempt to conceal it.

I want to bring back some of that optimism from years past. I want to bring back that rapturous, confident woman that could look anyone straight into the eye and say with a steadfast belief that we were going to make it home. 

Ah, you still say it. You still try to resonate to your crew that nothing has changed. 

But I see the change in you. The hardness to your eyes, devoid of the vibrancy that use to exist there. The slight innocence in your being has been spoiled. You still hold fast to your moralities. You still uphold all of your beliefs, Starfleet’s beliefs. But I see how punishing it is for you now. 

This life is not one that you would wish on anyone. You have condemned yourself for every choice you have made since arriving in this quadrant. You share none of the responsibility with those around you. You hold fast in your solitude.

Your shoulders are heavy with guilt; your eyes devoid of life.

I long to bear some of your stresses. I yearn to bring life back into your soul. 

If only you’d let me in.

How do I make you see that you are not alone? That you will never be alone?

How do I make you see the love that I hold so close to my heart? The love I thought we once shared? The love that you won’t allow yourself to feel; that you don’t think you deserve?

You deserve it. You deserve every ounce of it. 

You have saved me more times that I can count; physically and spiritually. You have brought joy and wonder and passion to my life again. You have filled a void in my life that I didn’t even realize existed. 

And so now, I make a promise. To you. To myself. To the Spirits. I promise to make you understand this. In whatever life I have left, I vow to make you aware of how you have changed me. 

Because of you, I have found peace. I will help you will find yours.


End file.
